What happens when a young girl finds herself broke & backpacking through Europe & then gets two offers to au pair: one in Turkey & one in Basel, Sweden … & she chooses Basel, Sweden ?
„I was backpacking around Europe. Just out of high school: 18. And I was broke, so I took an au pair job in Basel. I thought Basel was in Sweden. My first thought was: „There’s a lot more colored people here than I thought there would be in Sweden. And that was good !!!“
„My first suggestion is to find community in your area. Go to demonstrations. Find like-minded people motivated to make this country better. Anyone new to Switzerland needs support. Foreigners are under attack here & you have to learn how to look at the world from new perspectives. There are opportunities here & most are great. But you have to push yourself in a strategic way.“
Your Auntie left America’s Heartland at 18. She went south: to the land of oil barons & religious suppression. In America’s Bible Belt, she became a Klub Kid … & a waitress … & a nanny. In the homes of families with rules & mores very unlike those of my parents‘, I rarely ran into conflicts taking care of their kids; but often faced challenges related to how the parents expected me to live.
In their homes, breakfast was very rarely served for dinner. Food fights never happened. And firearms were not only never shot inside their homes; they did not even exist.
It was madness, Darling. But your very confused Auntie learned a lot, including how to navigate a town much larger than the villages in which I grew up. Shortly thereafter, I was ready to live in a city.
„So many people here do not say when things bother them. There becomes an awkward atmosphere in the room instead of an explanation. I’d think ‚Maybe I should stop doing something … but what: X, Y, or Z ?‘ I wished they’d used their words.“
In Seattle, your Auntie took a job as the nanny for a 5 year old autistic boy who screamed all the time & a 6 year old girl who had stopped speaking 6 months prior to my arrival.
The screaming autistic child was easy: I developed programs & therapies & a regimented structure that allowed him to feel secure. Because he did not yet know how to speak English, I created cards for him to give adults showing us what he wanted. Each card had the word & image, & before he could get the object of his desire, he had to try to say what he wanted, too.
Before long, he didn’t even have to pick up the card to express many of his needs. „Ba“ – his word for „milk“ – still allowed us to understand him & let him feel very proud.
„The family I au paired for worked all the time. They had such a beautiful house, but there was no home in that home. It was as if they rented it out to Art Basel every year, & I took their kids to football practices, playdates, tennis, English lessons, school …“
The mute girl was more difficult to reach. She attended a very elite private school, learning French & the flute & fairly advanced Algebra for a child still learning to write her name. Every minute of her day & evening was devoted to her education in one way or another. She often fell asleep eating dinner. Every morning, she fell asleep over breakfast.
One afternoon, while teaching her to ride her bike, she fell & scraped her knee. I carried her to the nearest bathroom (just one of seven in that house), & pulled open every cupboard & drawer only to discover they were empty.
I used a plush Egyptian cotton white towel to stop her blood.
„So many times, speaking my opinion – whether about something I loved or hated – marked the end of the relationship. I had to learn that, for many Swiss people, expressions of feelings get translated differently.“
And then your awful Auntie stopped taking her to her after school activities. We drove through wooded, windy roads & I played various music until I saw her toes move with the beat.
„Don’t come here to fall in love. Don’t come here to feel emotionally safe & secure. That takes a lot of work with people here — even among the freaky people. It’s no lie: the stereotype that Swiss people are difficult to know. You have to make an effort to connect with one group. Then try to meet all of the people in that group. Don’t give up.“
Her first words in 8 months were, „Play it again ?“
„And for God’s sake, go to the mountains … GOOOOO !!! It’s INSANE how physically beautiful this country is.“
(I forgot to ask, but she seemed glad she didn’t go to Sweden.)
Here’s the song that broke through to the mute girl: https://youtu.be/1L7oAMJvMWE