Culture Shock: what moving abroad, at its most extreme, feels like.
Dear Auntie SAM: How would you describe culture shock?
The first time a loved one hits you is the hit you’ll always remember. It isn’t so much the physical sensation that stays with you; but the feelings of betrayal, fear, & humiliation that ricochet throughout your body & forever alter the way you see yourself & your world.
It does not matter how old you are when the hit happens – or how educated or strong – when it happens, your response will be to try to do everything correctly in the future.
Perfectly. So it doesn’t happen again.
As if you could prevent that.
When performing your perfect pirouette fails & the hit happens again – anguish, resignation, determination, & anger weave throughout your raging, breaking heart.
And, if you do not see how you have the option to leave, you’ll try to believe everyone who tells you how adored you are, how lucky; your life is perfect.
It’s like living in Wonderland: a fun-house, with no fun inside.
When people talk about culture shock in Basel, the usual suspects appear. Upon meeting, shall we kiss two times or three? Did you remove your shoes at the entry? Remember not to flush after ten? What are you doing, mowing your lawn on Sunday?!
Every culture – even every subculture – expects certain behaviors from its members. That’s why gang signs were invented, Darling. How else would Crips distinguish Us from Them? Your dear Auntie certainly would not wear a colored bandana.
And, not quite conversely, every civilization requires manners. But manners do not prove belonging; they exist to welcome Them with Us. To provide a road map of acceptable behaviors to strangers who have come to stay.
Both are essential. And either can be used against expats. But neither even whisper a sweet bon mot about culture shock.
Because culture shock is not about aping. It’s about the feelings inside you as you cope with several new realities. About you. About your loved ones. About your expectations, opportunities, decisions, beliefs, & plans.
About how you very well may have made a humongous mistake. And about how no one – not even you – will want to admit that.
It’s about all the things you’ll do to ensure smooth sailing along Da Nile.
By the end of the day, every expat in Basel puts on his or her tutu, kisses three times, & performs perfect pirouettes.
But, to some degree or another, we’ve all suffered culture shock. And for those to whom the shock hit hardest, behind each smile – underneath coutured corsetted cages – raging, broken hearts design to live. However they can. In a world that looks the same but isn’t.
Without genuine understanding of how things are or can be, culture shock erodes confidence just as effectively as domestic violence. And, sadly, in this Wonderland, sometimes the two walk hand in hand.
XO
AS
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