The world’s your oyster this week as Auntie SAM mentors another lost soul.
Dear Auntie SAM,
I have read about people who feel they are girls in a boy’s body, and boys in a girl’s body.
I think I am actually French in a Swiss body.
The reason for this is that I look really good and dress tastefully; I only buy bread if it’s long, thin and insubstantial; I call gimpfel, croissants; I never buy supermarket meat wrapped in plastic, I go to the butcher’s; I let my dog do his business where he wants and walk away every time without cleaning it up; I swear freely and fluently whenever I feel like it, because it is my birthright; and my driving is extremely dangerous.
Some people say I have a really cute accent!
Should I move to France?
Best wishes,
Frenchie of Klein Basel
Darling, I feel for you.
The struggle for self-acceptance in an intolerant society challenges many. It is admirable that you’ve done the work required to discover who you are. Now, we just need to delve a bit further to identify where people of your unusual ilk are most likely to thrive.
Here, you feel comme un poisson hors de l’eau. So, staying in Basel will bring you much of the same: cross-looks at your unremittent littering, pretensions, and reckless endangerment (I omitted your sailor’s mouth, because your Auntie, too, loves to swear — though, it’s cute when I do it).
Nevertheless, if you move to France, you’ll be just another sardine.
So, I’m so glad you wrote.
As one might expect from an American, your Auntie suggests you think bigger. Capitalize on what economists call your “comparative advantage”. Meaning: your good looks, tasteful fashion, and cute accent are underappreciated in Basel where these attributes abound.
In order to thrive, you need to bring your assets to a culture bereft of these things, where you will be adored and appreciated without having to develop real value.
Have you considered the States? I’m still in touch with a few frenemies to whom I could introduce you 😉 xo
Bon Voyage!
AS
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Speaking of foreign exploits:
THURSDAY, 29 JAN, you can find me at KASCHEMME for „extremely loud, bass-heavy, powerful & industrial, calling to mind Godflesh-gone-‚roidal“ music from USA’s AUTHOR & PUNISHER. 8PM.
SUNDAY, 1 FEB, I’ll be dancing to Basel’s own DJ KLANGFIEBER at HIRSCHENECK with Swedish punk, dance, & pop band BONDAGE FAIRIES. 9PM.
And, in between, for you glitter-loving sparkly people, come to GENEVA with me for two days of fantabulous feathery fun at THE GENEVA BURLESQUE FESTIVAL. VINTAGE MARKETS, BURLESQUE WORKSHOPS, SHOWS, and PARTIES! FRIDAY NIGHT yours truly will judge the „Newcomers“ and „Queen of Geneva“ BURLESQUE COMPETITIONS. And then, SATURDAY, you can find me at the bar accepting free drinks all night.