How does a polyglot who lived in three countries prior to CH adapt ? Part II
„When my son was born, it was the darkest time of my life. He saved me, because by the time he reached 8 or 9 months, I realized I had to broaden our horizons.
We joined a Swiss play group, & there I met my best friend. My soul sister. She’s Swiss. She doesn’t speak English – still doesn’t ! For the first year or two I had no idea what she was saying. I just nodded my head a lot & smiled. Later, she was surprised to learn I didn’t know what she was saying, but it didn’t matter because we got each other. We understood each other immediately. So, it was OK.
Within two years of meeting my best friend, & listening to her speak to me in dialekt, I spoke Swiss German in public.
Crossing that bridges difficult. I knew I could speak in Swiss German before I did. I was petrified to use it, and that was a hurdle I needed to jump.
With my best friend, with other people I now meet, I speak Swiss German fine. I’m no longer scared to make mistakes.
But I still seldom speak it in front of my husband. I seldom speak Swiss German to or around him.
On the one hand, it’s language that establishes a relationship’s dynamic. The language you began speaking with one person will likely be the language that defines that dynamic.
On the other hand, changing that dynamic – crossing that hurdle is like jumping through fire. And language shouldn’t be that important. Emotional commitments should be reserved for family & kids. But language ? That’s silly.
Still. That’s the way it is.
Although I’ve lived here now for 14 years, & have been married the whole time so I could have gotten my Swiss passport, I didn’t want to. I never applied because I didn’t want to be ‚Swiss on paper‘.
Only my husband and his Grandma made me feel welcomed here.
Switzerland felt very closed to me. Things were not as easy as they were in the UK.
I was homesick the first 2-3 years I lived in Switzerland. I had to realize the UK that I missed wasn’t really there, & that my kids have better opportunities here. My kids play in the street, I leave my garage door open. The other day, I left my cell phone in my car & left the car open. Both my phone & the car were still there when I returned !
In Switzerland, life as a mother with young children is hell. Swiss mothers may have family for support, but society is not built to support these women. The cost of childcare makes it necessary to stay home & be there after school for your children. That/s no quality of life. It’s a very lonely place to be. As a foreigner, I feel it was destiny that I clicked with my best friend in playgroup.
Everyone needs other people.
The ‚Swiss way‘ is that so long as trains run on time & the factories continue to produce chocolates & cheeses, they are content & will leave you alone. If there’s a problem, they don’t know how to deal with it. They stick their head in the sand & wait until it blows over.
They are very seldom negative. As soon as you debate or criticize, they will not like it.
But I’m not that way.
When my husband I have a problem, then we openly talk about it. I attribute that to my success.
Moving here is not for the faint-hearted.
For me to come from that dark place … I pinch myself for what I have. I worked very hard for what I have, but I’m also lucky: I have my family, husband, healthy kids …
This year, I’ve finally decided to get my Swiss passport. I don’t really want it. But the way things are going now … if I’m driving & I accidentally kill someone, without it, I could be deported. My family is here. My kids are Swiss. I’ve lived most of my life now in Switzerland, & I still do not feel Swiss. But Switzerland is my home.
I feel I belong no where. But I am at home – with my family – in Switzerland. I cannot risk losing that.
Accidents can happen to anyone. Every house has an untidy room.
From where I came from, I’m proud. I’m happy to be here. If Switzerland had a piece of the sea, it would be heaven on earth. And once you learn their language, Swiss people open up & are very friendly.
I still do not feel integrated. I do not know what to suggest to someone arriving – how to adapt or thrive.
Today, I have a privileged life. But I had to be reborn. To go through a phase in life. You never know what life throws at you. You can go up or you can go down. And you never know how being here will influence others. My best friend & husband are more open now. And even though my best friend still does not wear dresses, as I always do. She know owns a skirt.
She may never wear it, but she owns one !
People are a ray of sunshine in life to live for.“
XO
AS