The only joke I know involves a humiliated rabbit hiding eggs … & it’s not even funny.
Just one of the things you learn living abroad: Pieux in French means devoted to God. It also means weiner. En Guete. (Bild: Auntie SAM)
Dear Auntie SAM: At school we were asked what we want to be when we grow up. I said, a white collar criminal. They seem to be really rich but almost never go to jail, especially in the banking industry.
Where do I get a white collar?
SmartCrookid of Spalentor
Dear Reader, if you’re asking this, you’ve already erred. You should have chosen to been born into privilege and never had to question what to do with your life.
What were you thinking, Darling?
Nevertheless, an analytic mind should never go to waste.
Now that you’ve identified your goal, which fields of work lay validly open to you?
Yes, a career in banking seems the obvious choice. And you’re in the perfect country for that. However, the media loves a good anti-banker story. And the fact is, that when things take a turn south (& they always do) the lowest douche on the totem pole will, invariably, be the first sacrificed.
So ya gotta ask yourself: are you really a bull; or, are you just a lamb?
Are you musical? Do you excel at sports? Or, perhaps, you have a knack for taking hot selfies and wicked sense about how to use social media to your advantage? All these career options also often offer ludicrous amounts of cash and a get-out-of-jail-free card.
But they also do require talents I assume you’d be exploiting if you had.
So, perhaps you could turn to the clergy. They, too, get the much-vaunted white collar (literally) and rarely go to jail for crimes.
“But Auntie”, you’re saying, “I don’t want to be poor.” To which I say “Tsk, tsk, Dear Child. Why don’t you use that big brain of yours to see what makes one really rich?”
Sure, as a clergyman you won’t rack up the big bucks. But, in exchange for pretending to care about the poor and infirm, you’ll get a tax-free life at your parish’s expense.
And, who knows, perhaps being in touch with humanity might bring out a bit in you.
Miracles do happen.
XO
AS
___
This weekend, join me & the other sinners at LADYBAR for LOKALRITUAL. LOCKER will spin the tunes upstairs from 11PM, while FLOCKIG starts spinning in the GOLD ROOM (downstairs, through the MEN’S TOILET) at MIDNIGHT.
Then SUNDAY let’s nurse our HANGOVERS at IRRSINN’s EASTER BOOZE. Doors open at NOON. I might still be up from the night before.