Q: Does the rhythm method work? A 19 year old asks advice about pregnancy protection. Also, Auntie SAM shamelessly begs for The Elvis (you’ll be surprised to discover what that is).
Dear Auntie SAM: I am 19 but I only just started having sex. My girlfriend is 22. I think I should use a condom, but she says she doesn’t like them. She won’t use a hormone type of contraception because she is scared of side-effects. She told me that she cannot get pregnant except on certain days which I think is called the rhythm method and as long as we don’t have sex at this time, she won’t get pregnant. What shall I do?
Thanks!
Hands Down of Aeschenplatz
How fun! Sex is great, isn’t it? And whether on the floor, in a bed, or in the garden, sex with a more experienced partner can be a marvelous gift.
But pleasing your partner should never involve putting your health or your futures at risk. And, unfortunately — assumedly without malice — that is what your girlfriend is asking you to do.
While there is no foolproof method for avoiding pregnancy, the rhythm method offers very few assurances — especially for novices. Its attempt to stave off pregnancy relies on the false assumption that each woman’s reproductive cycle lasts the same amount of time every month AND that you’re experienced enough to predict her cycle AND that you can stop having sex for approximately 10 days during that critical time (to be most effective, you need to abstain during her cycle AND a few days before & after her cycle … egads!).
As you get to know your partner, you will learn her body’s rhythms and you may be able to determine her cycle with some certainty. But this skill will take time & diligence to master. Even at best, „mastery“ of this technique still puts you & her futures at a fairly substantial risk (approximately 15% failure). If you use this method, you still may want to also consider using a spermicide, sponge, or barrier. The latter may also provide protection against STDs and viruses.
And, I know you’re not thinking of this now, but when you experience sex with another girl, you’ll need to start learning her body at square one again because variety abounds – inside & out. What works for one person will not entirely apply to another. But getting to know new people is part of the fun 😉
Moreover, what works for your partner may not work for you.
You write you think you should use a condom. Then use a condom (IMO: use a condom). No one likes them; that’s not their function. Their function is to provide a barrier that treats yourself and your partner with respect and care for your futures.
Today, you are 19 years old and, if you are anything like the 19 year olds I’ve slept with, you two are effing like rabbits. Not only is limiting sexual intercourse to the very small window the rhythm method allows unrealistic; it also removes a lot of the joy of being 19, having a very high libido, and knowing someone who wants to enjoy that with you!
Honor who you are today while respecting who you want to become tomorrow. That is a fundamental rule for having sex with other people. How you do it is up to you.
Carpe (sexy) diem!
AS
This week you can find me & January’s Dr. Sketchy’s crew celebrating ELVIS PRESLEY’S 80th BIRTHDAY BASH and ELVIS THEMED CHARITY RAFFLE for http://www.schwarzerpeter.ch/ this THURSDAY 9pm at SääLI. DJs TOM BEST, RPM, & MATT SWIFT (of RAUNCHY RAWHIDE CHICKEN fame) will spin the vinyl. Let’s hope some industrious chef brings the bacon, peanut butter, & banana sandwiches (THE ELVIS) XO